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An abusive relationship is one where there is a pattern of power and control in which one person tries to gain power by taking someone else’s power away.
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“Whether it’s a dating relationship you don’t approve of, or it’s your kid saying, ‘You said you loved and accepted me for who I was, and now you’re not letting me enter a Mr.
Leather contest in a dog collar when I’m 16 years old,’ your response should be, ‘This has nothing to do with your being gay, and everything to do with the fact that I’m your parent and I don’t approve of the choice you’re making,’” says Savage.
Russell credits the majority of his parenting successes to the open communication that both he and Neeley encourage within their home, and says parents should remember the importance of talking openly with their teens not only about the rules, curfews and boundaries that are part of the dating experience, but also about sexuality and relationships.
Russell also suggests that parents of gay teenagers be aware of whether or not the person their child is dating has already come out himself, and of how their parents reacted to the news.
And while there are an increasing number of families who embrace their child’s homosexuality and are supportive, loving, and even unfazed by the revelation, it’s a turn of the tide that leaves some concerned about whether or not there is an understanding of the nuances of parenting a gay teen.
The key here is a pattern of controlling behaviors, not just one isolated incident, although any incident of physical violence crosses the line to abuse.